I guess there was a rant by Michael Savage on a radio show last week or around then claiming autism has to do with poor parenting and over diagnosis. I didn't hear it and despite a google search I can't find the rant in a full clip. The best I can do is some shorter clips on http://www.savageonautism.com/
I guess the whole thing lasted 84 seconds. At first I was ticked off- to say the least. Don't call my kid an idiot or moron, don't accuse me of fraud for having #2 tested and getting services through the school to help him have a more 'normal' life (I'll discuss normal another time), and DO NOT make it seem like I don't bust my fanny trying to raise good kids. Then I realized it took 5 minutes to push poor #2 naked and wet into this cold world. I know it was 5 minutes between the time my water broke and birth because 1. it was the longest, most painful five minutes and 2. because the nurse timed it. So if I could push that hard for 5 minutes I can do anything, even evaluate-rationally- how the rant left me feeling. I listened to the clips on the above website and realize that I had never heard of this guy before, don't really care what his opinion is, and can't see why I should worry about it. Remember the line about opinions and what they are like (you know- bad word for rectum) and that everyone has one. I'm applying that here.
That said there is something else to be added but not because I have an honest to God autistic, not just spoiled and bratty, boy. When a person is in any position that gives more attention than usual to their opinions I think they should give more than usual consideration to how their comments will be taken. Michael Savage is no more commanding of respect than anyone else- big deal he's got a talk show. Does he have an advanced degree, extraordinary experience or God given special ability? Nope- he's just a guy. The pity is that his words will influence some of his listeners and they will believe his view is gospel. Well, nothing I can do to help them. I'm doing the best I can to raise a child with a disease that most people don't understand. I have my hands full with my two kids and trying to teach them as much as I can each day. I'm not going to call for his termination or rail against the injustice of people like him having an audience. I've listened to radio hosts and agreed and disagreed but I don't let them shape my world views. Talk shows and talk radio are for entertainment, if they can bring awareness to something or help people that's great, but don't expect anything more than entertainment. As for his comment about the money we get for autism- where is it? I'm spending lots of money out of pocket to try and help #2. He gets speech, occupational therapy and special ed. services to help him but autism can be very expensive. We have spent thousands of dollars to install a fence so he can't run into the street- and that's only half of our property done so far. I can go on and on about expenses.
Wanna know the most painful parts of #2's autism? He's never said mommy or daddy to us, no I love you or I missed you, not even the toddler/preschooler harsh words of I hate you. He has no language. He is very affectionate so I know he loves me but I'd gnaw off my own arm to hear him say it. How about the uncertain future- I know, everyone worries about their kids, but my worries are quite a bit different for him than for #1. What about if I die- who will take care of him and help him learn, drag him out into the world to try new things, protect him from the world at the same time and generally be there for him?? Have I done all I can to help him? That's the question that gets me in the night. It's hard enough to wonder if I'm doing the right thing or enough to help him communicate with out someone else adding to my stress. If I think I'm low on my daily dose of stress, I can find ways to add to it myself!
I guess what it all boils down to is who is this Michael Savage to me that makes his opinion more important than anyone else's? Nobody, that's who. I don't need him to lose his job or any such thing. I'm sure that since he's explaining himself so much on the above mentioned website that he is aware of the outrage. But the only thing I hope to see come out of this is more awareness that autism is out there. There are tons of sites ripping this guy apart and spreading the word that autism isn't about lack of discipline or spankings. For myself it's just another small bump in a long hard road. Now I've gotta go and be a mom to 2 kids whose opinions mean a lot more to me than some radio guy.
Showing posts with label autism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label autism. Show all posts
Friday, July 25, 2008
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Mommy independence day
How was everyone's fourth? I chatted online with my sister in law in Germany and actually went off to JoAnn Etc. without a child chaperone. It was a lovely day that started with seeing my sister in law was online and chatting with her over Windows Messenger then my mother-in-law brought over spare ribs she had made us (she owned a Polish tavern in Buffalo for years and is a wonderful cook). After that I went off without a child (pinch me- I'm dreaming!) for a craft store run. Granted I needed a few items for my daughter more than things for myself but hey- any chance to peruse a craft place without being hurried or pestered to buy items I don't like is fun. Later in the day we went off to the local playground for some climbing, sliding, running fun. Then to the fireworks and a great time was had by all. After a hard days play we all fell into bed without so much as a whimper of protest. While it's too bad all our days can't be so footloose and fancy free it's nice to have time as a family to relax and all be more like children. No great worries about work, bills, home repair or such wrecked the simple joys of letting the kids run free.
One of the things I did yesterday that I have never done before was to look in the windows of #1s classroom of the last two years. I have never seen it so empty. There was a sense of both sadness that she won't be back in that room next year and also excitement that she will be just down the hall with her new teacher. We had the same teacher for the last two years. Due to a small town population explosion one year there were more kids starting school last year than most so we had a teacher move down to kindergarten to allow small classes. Then she moved back up to first grade. I volunteered there quite a bit for both years and as much as she will miss her teacher, so will I. She is just so nice and sweet and caring about the kids. We all had a great time together and I gained a lot of experience with classroom parties, politics and dramas. To see the classroom with only a few things remaining was quite odd. It looked just like any other big rectangle room except for the number line running above the blackboard I have pointed to so many times when helping a student add or subtract or count by 2s and 5s and 10s. I feel a real affinity for that number line. I'll be stopping back in that room to see the teacher as I go by on my way to second grade next fall.
My five year old will be off to kindergarten in the fall. That is a source of excitement and concern. He has been in a fully integrated preschool setting for the last two years and has a full time aide to help him. He will have an aide in the fall but it's a big change so I worry about how he will handle it. For those who don't know, #2 is autistic. Life as his mom is often much different than life as the mom of #1. I try and respond to each as best suits them but it's not always easy to remember which mom I am when. I've met #2s teachers for the fall and while they all seem like very nice and patient people I worry for him that the change is going to cause more stress and turmoil than he is able to handle. I've had this worry many times before and he usually reacts poorly initially then adapts but it doesn't take away that sad feeling I get. Maybe it is just me or maybe it's all mothers but it seems harder to watch them struggle when they have so many related problems. Autism is such a bizarre disorder. So many kids and so many different problems. Take 5 kids with it and you can get 5 totally different descriptions of the impact autism has on them. I'm lucky, I'm able to be home with the kids and do a lot with both. It's hard, whether you work outside the home or not, autism is very pervasive to all aspects of each family members life. We try to be honest with #1 about her brothers autism and not make it a taboo or frightening thing. She will have things hard enough growing up since kids can be cruel about differences and may tease her but she realizes (so far) that somethings are not going to go away by wishing them gone. She has talked to her class about autism and how her brother is different from them but that it's not all within his control. Most of the kids are pretty accepting at this age but things change as they get older and the fear of being 'uncool' deepens and leads to verbal cruelty.
I'm not going to launch into the causes/cures of autism beacuse I don't know. I don't know if they can be 'cured' but I do know that all I want for either of my kids is for them to grow up happy and able to take care of themselves. Autism wreaks havoc on that. I know there are blogs and websites run by those with autism who deplore the need for them to change and adapt to our society. In a way I agree with them, but society is not the perfect place where all people act in an honorable manner. My hope for #2 is to get him able to communicate and lead a happy life. If he is destined to live at home with me forever then OK but I am terrified of leaving him at the mercy of those who are less than honorable. To be completely honest there are areas of his behavior I envy. The ability to ignore that which he does not like is extraordinary. I wish I could just ignore like that but I have a tendency to let it annoy me and that leads to having to do something about it. Then I'm just aggravated about the whole thing and my time spent on that instead of something i needed to do. He's a happy kid- he loves being outside in the yard or playing at the stream. He has a stillness to him when he is relaxed that can only be described as totally content with his world. I've seen him sit in the yard by the stream, perfectly still, watching the chipmunks less than 10 feet from him. Of course, I've also seen him fly around the yard with the complete out of control, running too fast to stay on his feet, reckless abandon. I wonder what the chipmunks make of this child of such extremes. He's also very affectionate, more than his sister was at that age. Maybe it's the mommy-son thing as opposed to the mommy-daughter (mini me as Hubby says) that is different, but as different as they are they are also quite alike. They both like to sit on a lap- at the same time, they both like the computer- at the same time, I can go on and on but you get the picture.
And now for another day........
One of the things I did yesterday that I have never done before was to look in the windows of #1s classroom of the last two years. I have never seen it so empty. There was a sense of both sadness that she won't be back in that room next year and also excitement that she will be just down the hall with her new teacher. We had the same teacher for the last two years. Due to a small town population explosion one year there were more kids starting school last year than most so we had a teacher move down to kindergarten to allow small classes. Then she moved back up to first grade. I volunteered there quite a bit for both years and as much as she will miss her teacher, so will I. She is just so nice and sweet and caring about the kids. We all had a great time together and I gained a lot of experience with classroom parties, politics and dramas. To see the classroom with only a few things remaining was quite odd. It looked just like any other big rectangle room except for the number line running above the blackboard I have pointed to so many times when helping a student add or subtract or count by 2s and 5s and 10s. I feel a real affinity for that number line. I'll be stopping back in that room to see the teacher as I go by on my way to second grade next fall.
My five year old will be off to kindergarten in the fall. That is a source of excitement and concern. He has been in a fully integrated preschool setting for the last two years and has a full time aide to help him. He will have an aide in the fall but it's a big change so I worry about how he will handle it. For those who don't know, #2 is autistic. Life as his mom is often much different than life as the mom of #1. I try and respond to each as best suits them but it's not always easy to remember which mom I am when. I've met #2s teachers for the fall and while they all seem like very nice and patient people I worry for him that the change is going to cause more stress and turmoil than he is able to handle. I've had this worry many times before and he usually reacts poorly initially then adapts but it doesn't take away that sad feeling I get. Maybe it is just me or maybe it's all mothers but it seems harder to watch them struggle when they have so many related problems. Autism is such a bizarre disorder. So many kids and so many different problems. Take 5 kids with it and you can get 5 totally different descriptions of the impact autism has on them. I'm lucky, I'm able to be home with the kids and do a lot with both. It's hard, whether you work outside the home or not, autism is very pervasive to all aspects of each family members life. We try to be honest with #1 about her brothers autism and not make it a taboo or frightening thing. She will have things hard enough growing up since kids can be cruel about differences and may tease her but she realizes (so far) that somethings are not going to go away by wishing them gone. She has talked to her class about autism and how her brother is different from them but that it's not all within his control. Most of the kids are pretty accepting at this age but things change as they get older and the fear of being 'uncool' deepens and leads to verbal cruelty.
I'm not going to launch into the causes/cures of autism beacuse I don't know. I don't know if they can be 'cured' but I do know that all I want for either of my kids is for them to grow up happy and able to take care of themselves. Autism wreaks havoc on that. I know there are blogs and websites run by those with autism who deplore the need for them to change and adapt to our society. In a way I agree with them, but society is not the perfect place where all people act in an honorable manner. My hope for #2 is to get him able to communicate and lead a happy life. If he is destined to live at home with me forever then OK but I am terrified of leaving him at the mercy of those who are less than honorable. To be completely honest there are areas of his behavior I envy. The ability to ignore that which he does not like is extraordinary. I wish I could just ignore like that but I have a tendency to let it annoy me and that leads to having to do something about it. Then I'm just aggravated about the whole thing and my time spent on that instead of something i needed to do. He's a happy kid- he loves being outside in the yard or playing at the stream. He has a stillness to him when he is relaxed that can only be described as totally content with his world. I've seen him sit in the yard by the stream, perfectly still, watching the chipmunks less than 10 feet from him. Of course, I've also seen him fly around the yard with the complete out of control, running too fast to stay on his feet, reckless abandon. I wonder what the chipmunks make of this child of such extremes. He's also very affectionate, more than his sister was at that age. Maybe it's the mommy-son thing as opposed to the mommy-daughter (mini me as Hubby says) that is different, but as different as they are they are also quite alike. They both like to sit on a lap- at the same time, they both like the computer- at the same time, I can go on and on but you get the picture.
And now for another day........
Monday, June 30, 2008
Electric Momma
I have no idea what an electric momma is but my seven year old dubbed me that and it stuck. I suppose it's rather catchy and memorable so here it is. Since I've been reading blogs for a few years I decided it was time to give it a try. Hopefully this will be fun and educational for all, myself included.
So I'm a mother of 2- one mostly normal seven year old girl and one autistic five year old boy. I like crafting and find I spend way too much time surfing the 'net for new projects as well as new pages about my favorite crafts. Right now I'm a stay at home mom and find that rather than having lots of free time I have almost no time. Hmm- I have no idea how that can be. So let's look at the great black hole of free time.
Once upon a time I had a job, an apartment, free time and money. Then came the house in a small town in Western New York, baby1, job downsizing post 9/11, baby2 and here I am. Oddly enough my job entailed copious quantities of time in front of the computer and now here I sit staring at the screen again. I'm hoping to use this blog as a place to connect all the dots of my life- motherhood, autism, crafts, normal kids (OK- those who know her might beg to differ somewhat- she is unique!), gardening, renovating a 170 year old house, pets, my pathological need to photograph everything(more on that another day), and all the other detritis that seems to clutter up my otherwise simple life.
My seven year old daughter is one of those incredibly social kids- she loves parties. She loves to dress up in her finest and celebrate- anything. Since I am such a stick in the mud sometimes and don't always want a few dozen of her closest friends over she often will have parties for herself and a few hundred of her closest stuffed friends. She is a great kid and always up for trying a new craft or going somewhere. My five year old son is her complete opposite in so many ways. He is autistic and prefers not to have loud parties. He would stay home or just go to a few preferred places for his whole life if we allowed that. Alas, his wishes often get over ridden by reality. Groceries must be bought, errands run and general mayhem over strict schedules prevails here. For all the boy is quiet and content with quiet pursuits, the girl is loud and enjoys noisy pursuits. I feel like the rope in a game of tug 'o war most days trying to balance the two. Add one 4 year old Bull Terrier named Arthur Pendragon, three cats, and lots of wildlife in the yard and chaos is an apt description of some days.
Add to the mix the ongoing renovation of our very old farm house and mess is another way to sum up my life. I feel like I spend a good portion of my day moving things out of an area to be worked on, doing some work and then looking for what I had to move. Oh well, someday the work will be done and everything will be in it's place and I'll find everything I'm currently looking for- right?? At least the yard is looking better this year. Did I mention my love for all things John Deere? We'll tackle that another day. Why scare everyone off with too much weirdness, right? Actually the yard still has some changes coming but I'm pretty slow with the planting. I'm still letting last years plants fill out and deciding if I like it all. We have a shallow but spring fed stream in the yard outside the dining room which is very peaceful. I like to relax and read out there while the kids play in the shade.
So that is the short version of what to expect here. Chats on crafts, kids, pets, home renovations, house work and whatever strikes my fancy. Grab a cup of coffee and join me in a few laughs over the daily workings of a not always ordinary mind.
So I'm a mother of 2- one mostly normal seven year old girl and one autistic five year old boy. I like crafting and find I spend way too much time surfing the 'net for new projects as well as new pages about my favorite crafts. Right now I'm a stay at home mom and find that rather than having lots of free time I have almost no time. Hmm- I have no idea how that can be. So let's look at the great black hole of free time.
Once upon a time I had a job, an apartment, free time and money. Then came the house in a small town in Western New York, baby1, job downsizing post 9/11, baby2 and here I am. Oddly enough my job entailed copious quantities of time in front of the computer and now here I sit staring at the screen again. I'm hoping to use this blog as a place to connect all the dots of my life- motherhood, autism, crafts, normal kids (OK- those who know her might beg to differ somewhat- she is unique!), gardening, renovating a 170 year old house, pets, my pathological need to photograph everything(more on that another day), and all the other detritis that seems to clutter up my otherwise simple life.
My seven year old daughter is one of those incredibly social kids- she loves parties. She loves to dress up in her finest and celebrate- anything. Since I am such a stick in the mud sometimes and don't always want a few dozen of her closest friends over she often will have parties for herself and a few hundred of her closest stuffed friends. She is a great kid and always up for trying a new craft or going somewhere. My five year old son is her complete opposite in so many ways. He is autistic and prefers not to have loud parties. He would stay home or just go to a few preferred places for his whole life if we allowed that. Alas, his wishes often get over ridden by reality. Groceries must be bought, errands run and general mayhem over strict schedules prevails here. For all the boy is quiet and content with quiet pursuits, the girl is loud and enjoys noisy pursuits. I feel like the rope in a game of tug 'o war most days trying to balance the two. Add one 4 year old Bull Terrier named Arthur Pendragon, three cats, and lots of wildlife in the yard and chaos is an apt description of some days.
Add to the mix the ongoing renovation of our very old farm house and mess is another way to sum up my life. I feel like I spend a good portion of my day moving things out of an area to be worked on, doing some work and then looking for what I had to move. Oh well, someday the work will be done and everything will be in it's place and I'll find everything I'm currently looking for- right?? At least the yard is looking better this year. Did I mention my love for all things John Deere? We'll tackle that another day. Why scare everyone off with too much weirdness, right? Actually the yard still has some changes coming but I'm pretty slow with the planting. I'm still letting last years plants fill out and deciding if I like it all. We have a shallow but spring fed stream in the yard outside the dining room which is very peaceful. I like to relax and read out there while the kids play in the shade.
So that is the short version of what to expect here. Chats on crafts, kids, pets, home renovations, house work and whatever strikes my fancy. Grab a cup of coffee and join me in a few laughs over the daily workings of a not always ordinary mind.
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