Mommy independence day

How was everyone's fourth? I chatted online with my sister in law in Germany and actually went off to JoAnn Etc. without a child chaperone. It was a lovely day that started with seeing my sister in law was online and chatting with her over Windows Messenger then my mother-in-law brought over spare ribs she had made us (she owned a Polish tavern in Buffalo for years and is a wonderful cook). After that I went off without a child (pinch me- I'm dreaming!) for a craft store run. Granted I needed a few items for my daughter more than things for myself but hey- any chance to peruse a craft place without being hurried or pestered to buy items I don't like is fun. Later in the day we went off to the local playground for some climbing, sliding, running fun. Then to the fireworks and a great time was had by all. After a hard days play we all fell into bed without so much as a whimper of protest. While it's too bad all our days can't be so footloose and fancy free it's nice to have time as a family to relax and all be more like children. No great worries about work, bills, home repair or such wrecked the simple joys of letting the kids run free.

One of the things I did yesterday that I have never done before was to look in the windows of #1s classroom of the last two years. I have never seen it so empty. There was a sense of both sadness that she won't be back in that room next year and also excitement that she will be just down the hall with her new teacher. We had the same teacher for the last two years. Due to a small town population explosion one year there were more kids starting school last year than most so we had a teacher move down to kindergarten to allow small classes. Then she moved back up to first grade. I volunteered there quite a bit for both years and as much as she will miss her teacher, so will I. She is just so nice and sweet and caring about the kids. We all had a great time together and I gained a lot of experience with classroom parties, politics and dramas. To see the classroom with only a few things remaining was quite odd. It looked just like any other big rectangle room except for the number line running above the blackboard I have pointed to so many times when helping a student add or subtract or count by 2s and 5s and 10s. I feel a real affinity for that number line. I'll be stopping back in that room to see the teacher as I go by on my way to second grade next fall.

My five year old will be off to kindergarten in the fall. That is a source of excitement and concern. He has been in a fully integrated preschool setting for the last two years and has a full time aide to help him. He will have an aide in the fall but it's a big change so I worry about how he will handle it. For those who don't know, #2 is autistic. Life as his mom is often much different than life as the mom of #1. I try and respond to each as best suits them but it's not always easy to remember which mom I am when. I've met #2s teachers for the fall and while they all seem like very nice and patient people I worry for him that the change is going to cause more stress and turmoil than he is able to handle. I've had this worry many times before and he usually reacts poorly initially then adapts but it doesn't take away that sad feeling I get. Maybe it is just me or maybe it's all mothers but it seems harder to watch them struggle when they have so many related problems. Autism is such a bizarre disorder. So many kids and so many different problems. Take 5 kids with it and you can get 5 totally different descriptions of the impact autism has on them. I'm lucky, I'm able to be home with the kids and do a lot with both. It's hard, whether you work outside the home or not, autism is very pervasive to all aspects of each family members life. We try to be honest with #1 about her brothers autism and not make it a taboo or frightening thing. She will have things hard enough growing up since kids can be cruel about differences and may tease her but she realizes (so far) that somethings are not going to go away by wishing them gone. She has talked to her class about autism and how her brother is different from them but that it's not all within his control. Most of the kids are pretty accepting at this age but things change as they get older and the fear of being 'uncool' deepens and leads to verbal cruelty.

I'm not going to launch into the causes/cures of autism beacuse I don't know. I don't know if they can be 'cured' but I do know that all I want for either of my kids is for them to grow up happy and able to take care of themselves. Autism wreaks havoc on that. I know there are blogs and websites run by those with autism who deplore the need for them to change and adapt to our society. In a way I agree with them, but society is not the perfect place where all people act in an honorable manner. My hope for #2 is to get him able to communicate and lead a happy life. If he is destined to live at home with me forever then OK but I am terrified of leaving him at the mercy of those who are less than honorable. To be completely honest there are areas of his behavior I envy. The ability to ignore that which he does not like is extraordinary. I wish I could just ignore like that but I have a tendency to let it annoy me and that leads to having to do something about it. Then I'm just aggravated about the whole thing and my time spent on that instead of something i needed to do. He's a happy kid- he loves being outside in the yard or playing at the stream. He has a stillness to him when he is relaxed that can only be described as totally content with his world. I've seen him sit in the yard by the stream, perfectly still, watching the chipmunks less than 10 feet from him. Of course, I've also seen him fly around the yard with the complete out of control, running too fast to stay on his feet, reckless abandon. I wonder what the chipmunks make of this child of such extremes. He's also very affectionate, more than his sister was at that age. Maybe it's the mommy-son thing as opposed to the mommy-daughter (mini me as Hubby says) that is different, but as different as they are they are also quite alike. They both like to sit on a lap- at the same time, they both like the computer- at the same time, I can go on and on but you get the picture.

And now for another day........