Reading can be hazardous to my health

Happy November.
I have finally been forced to entertain the idea that reading is dangerous. Not as in it's gonna kill me but in the it's gonna drive me crazy kind of dangerous. You may be wondering what kind of reading I'm talking about. It's not the big expensive Christmas wishlist catalogs I'm talking about, it's not even my reading that's the problem. #1 has taken to reading everything she can. It doesn't matter what it is, she reads it to me and if she can't figure out the word she spells it to me. Right, I know, that's great- she is really trying hard to read and expand her knowledge. Welllllll, we all know a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, right. Well so is a little reading. Especially when the conversation runs something like this-
#1 "Mom, how fast are you going?"
Mom "47"
#1 "The sign said the speed limit is 45. You're speeding!"
Mom (thinking I'll change the focus to something safer- like math) "How many miles per hour over the speed limit am I?" (Dumb move, Mom)
#1 " Mooooom, the speed limit is 45, it doesn't matter how many miles over the limit you are, the police officer is going to arrest you."
Mom "huh- what police officer?"
#1 "Can I have your cell phone?"
Mom "No, why?"
#1 "So I can call the police and tell them you are speeding."
Mom "Not gonna happen. I'm doing 45 now so you can relax."
#1 "Can you hurry, I hafta go to the bathroom."

It's a no win situation sometimes. The good twin said "sure honey, I'll speed right home so you can pee." The bad twin said "the speed limit is 45." I'm pretty sure that the internal argument over how to respond is leading me closer to a nervous breakdown. I find that remaining silent after this type of discussion is the best choice. Nobody gets their feelings hurt and nobody learns any words they don't need to use at a later date. I find it's usually easier to drive with #2 that #1, he doesn't feel the need to interject pithy commentaries in the middle of a song I love and haven't heard in a million years. On the other hand since #2 doesn't talk- ever, it does get boring sometimes to drive with him. Unless you count odd noises from the back seat. Try checking on odd noises at 55 on the thruway. Usually I just take for granted he is being himself and having a strange noise interlude. The rear view mirror is not helpful, by the time you get it adjusted to see what he is doing he's quiet and gazing happily out the window. By the time I get it back to seeing the truck behind me he's making odd noises again. I think children realize the amazing power they have when they are in the car and abuse it.

I love the fact that #1 is really off and running (amok) with this whole reading thing. I love to read and actually will read anything put in front of me, which explains why I know so much about the kids cereal. I have no recollection of being like this as a child.
"What does no turn on red mean, Mommy?"
"It means you can't make a right turn when the light is red."
"Can you turn left?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Can we talk about this when we get home and I can explain about the flow of traffic and crossing lanes of traffic, oh nuts- that was our turn."
"Why did you go by our turn?"
"I was talking and not thinking."
"Can't you think and talk at the same time?"
"Yes, but I can't seem to think, talk and drive all at the same time."
Oh the things we say when we are doing other things. Or worse the things I've almost said while doing other things-
"Mommy, Can I live at home with you forever?"
"NO!!!!!" narrowly caught before falling out of my mouth.

Lets look at some of the conversational cliff hangers. We all know the way kids ask questions that have a good answer, a better answer and a please don't let me say that one answer. Shall we visit a few of my favorites and review the good, better and bite your tongue answers?
#1 "Why did you want kids?"
good- "Daddy and I thought the Grandmas deserved some grandchildren."
better- "Daddy and I wanted a little girl just like you."
Bite your tongue- "Jack Daniels made it seem like a swell idea."
#2 "Where did I come from?"
good- "The hospital."
Better- "Mommy's belly."
bite your tongue- "Mars."
#3"Is math hard?"
good- "No."
Better- "I'll always help you learn math."
Bite your tongue- "Yes."
#4"Will my goldfish go to heaven?"
Good- "I'm sure your goldfish is happy where ever they go."
Better- "I'm sure your goldfish is in goldfish heaven right now."
Bite your tongue- "No, it went to the septic tank."

Why is it that the bite your tongue answer is usually the first one you think of? Am I the only one in the universe who has these good mommy/bad mommy moments where I have to actually weigh my answers against how it could be repeated back in public?

I've come up with a new plan to annoy telemarketers. I give the phone to #1 and let her get some phone manners practice. She's quite polite but really getting indignant that they keep hanging up on her. How rude can they be? Hey, you call my house during the dinner hour and you can expect to talk to whomever I hand the phone to- including the dog, who is NOT much of a conversationalist but he sure can do loud breathing. They should be thankful I don't put them on speaker so they can hear all the commotion and strange questions. "Mommy, why do they call during dinner?" "Because they figure we're home to be annoyed." "What's for dinner?" "I don't remember what I made but grab some while it's hot." "Hey #2, sit on the chair, not the table. #1 use a fork. #2 eat off your own plate." Dinner here does have a twilight zone quality to it most nights. Then they all go to their own little areas after dinner and I can almost believe I'm alone in the house for 3.5 minutes until the next drama begins something like this.... "mom, he's touching/stealing/looking at something of mine." And we are off for more fun.

Harry the Macaw and tales from the darkside

Yesterday my daughter and I had to make a pet shop run. The dog does like to be fed on a regular basis and although he prefers human food, I try and keep a nice dog food diet for the majority of his intake. We headed off to a local Pet Supplies Plus store and met Harry the Macaw. It was stocking time but the people were great. One even opened the cage so we could play with Harry. the Severe Macaw was thrilled- it beat hanging out in his cage watching the shelves get stocked so he came out and ate peanuts while nibbling on our hands. #1 had not been able to play with a large bird before and was thrilled. I could've done without the requests to make Harry her new roommate. Sadly, Harry is not here but he is scheduled to move to another store where he, hopefully, will be purchased soon. Before anyone decides to fill my comments with anything about not buying from pet stores- hold up. We didn't buy him, nor are we going to. It is because 1. we are still remodelling the house and drywall dust isn't good for birds, 2. $1400.00 isn't slated for a bird, 3. I would prefer a Cockatoo or African Grey and 4. the kids are too young, the house too drafty and last but not least Hubby wouldn't be happybut the 3 cats would. Anyways, #1 finally got a pinch on her finger. I think Harry was getting over stimulated by the play and the peanuts. Of course the bird pinched me many times while being gentle to her first but he finally needed to just go back into the cage and calm. Right- Harry wanted to stay out so he went on top of his cage top playground and bobbed his head at me like he was making sure I knew I was too short to get to him. Today we went back to visit and grab a pic of #1 with Harry. I think he remembered us because he was having a grand old time sticking his foot out to 'shake hands' and try to pull me back in through the bars. No bites today- just tons of friendly tasting and rubbing against us. So we have wished the bird bon chance and safe travels. Cute goofball bird.

#1 will be off to Grandma's later for a few days of spoiling and doting. We call it Spa Grandmas ever since she came home and announced "Gramma powders my bum after my bath". Must be nice. I have very fond memories of my own trips to my grandparents as a child but I do not recall bum powdering at any time. I do remember being the center of attention and enjoying every second of it. It was good to be a princess. I think I'm living Cinderellas life in reverse some days- I was a princess and now I'm a scullery maid (not even a good one, though). #2 is staying home to be the prince of the manor so I'll have to put off most of the scullery work until he's in school during the week. #2 likes to involve himself when I'm trying to clean- not help, just involve himself somehow. The only problem is his involvement usually throws a spanner in the works. Either he slows the process to a virtual stand still or he makes more of a mess than I can work around. The easiest way to clean is to wait until he's at school and go nuts. Once while sorting the playroom toybox and packing the old, outgrown toys to go to Goodwill I caught him trying to climb in the big black trash bag- oh the temptation ;). I know- don't joke about sending the kids to Goodwill- someone, somewhere has probably done it or will do it soon. I joked about Ebay and auctioning them off to the lowest bidder and sure enough, some twit did try to auction her life for a weekend, kids included. I'll warn everyone right now- I have a very dry sense of humor. I will say many things that most people wouldn't and joke about the things most parents would prefer to forget. Let's face it- kids are funny, especially when they aren't trying. They are also sometimes smelly, aggravating, strange, embarrassing, and mostly lovable.

Kid stories are a major part of my life. Not just the kind you read to the wee beasts but the kind that become family lore. #1 changed "Bippity Boppity Boo" into "Broccoli Broccoli Boo". Tell me that shouldn't become a family catch phrase. #2 is an escape artist or maybe I should say escape autist- he can get out of any clothes I put him in and at the worst time. Got workers putting in a new window? Captain Naked Bum will supervise. Is the state Dep't of Transportation taking down a tree out front before it drops more limbs into the road? Have no fear the Streaker is here. I swear I love having windows in the house except when I have to wash them or he goes dancing by them as fully attired as a naked mole rat. Add to that the fact that he is porcelain pale and he practically glows in the dark. Thank goodness the afternoon sun bounces off my windows making it impossible to see in. The morning sun doesn't do a thing for me so I tend to be more alert to 'flashdance' boy then.
Til next time.

Mommy independence day

How was everyone's fourth? I chatted online with my sister in law in Germany and actually went off to JoAnn Etc. without a child chaperone. It was a lovely day that started with seeing my sister in law was online and chatting with her over Windows Messenger then my mother-in-law brought over spare ribs she had made us (she owned a Polish tavern in Buffalo for years and is a wonderful cook). After that I went off without a child (pinch me- I'm dreaming!) for a craft store run. Granted I needed a few items for my daughter more than things for myself but hey- any chance to peruse a craft place without being hurried or pestered to buy items I don't like is fun. Later in the day we went off to the local playground for some climbing, sliding, running fun. Then to the fireworks and a great time was had by all. After a hard days play we all fell into bed without so much as a whimper of protest. While it's too bad all our days can't be so footloose and fancy free it's nice to have time as a family to relax and all be more like children. No great worries about work, bills, home repair or such wrecked the simple joys of letting the kids run free.

One of the things I did yesterday that I have never done before was to look in the windows of #1s classroom of the last two years. I have never seen it so empty. There was a sense of both sadness that she won't be back in that room next year and also excitement that she will be just down the hall with her new teacher. We had the same teacher for the last two years. Due to a small town population explosion one year there were more kids starting school last year than most so we had a teacher move down to kindergarten to allow small classes. Then she moved back up to first grade. I volunteered there quite a bit for both years and as much as she will miss her teacher, so will I. She is just so nice and sweet and caring about the kids. We all had a great time together and I gained a lot of experience with classroom parties, politics and dramas. To see the classroom with only a few things remaining was quite odd. It looked just like any other big rectangle room except for the number line running above the blackboard I have pointed to so many times when helping a student add or subtract or count by 2s and 5s and 10s. I feel a real affinity for that number line. I'll be stopping back in that room to see the teacher as I go by on my way to second grade next fall.

My five year old will be off to kindergarten in the fall. That is a source of excitement and concern. He has been in a fully integrated preschool setting for the last two years and has a full time aide to help him. He will have an aide in the fall but it's a big change so I worry about how he will handle it. For those who don't know, #2 is autistic. Life as his mom is often much different than life as the mom of #1. I try and respond to each as best suits them but it's not always easy to remember which mom I am when. I've met #2s teachers for the fall and while they all seem like very nice and patient people I worry for him that the change is going to cause more stress and turmoil than he is able to handle. I've had this worry many times before and he usually reacts poorly initially then adapts but it doesn't take away that sad feeling I get. Maybe it is just me or maybe it's all mothers but it seems harder to watch them struggle when they have so many related problems. Autism is such a bizarre disorder. So many kids and so many different problems. Take 5 kids with it and you can get 5 totally different descriptions of the impact autism has on them. I'm lucky, I'm able to be home with the kids and do a lot with both. It's hard, whether you work outside the home or not, autism is very pervasive to all aspects of each family members life. We try to be honest with #1 about her brothers autism and not make it a taboo or frightening thing. She will have things hard enough growing up since kids can be cruel about differences and may tease her but she realizes (so far) that somethings are not going to go away by wishing them gone. She has talked to her class about autism and how her brother is different from them but that it's not all within his control. Most of the kids are pretty accepting at this age but things change as they get older and the fear of being 'uncool' deepens and leads to verbal cruelty.

I'm not going to launch into the causes/cures of autism beacuse I don't know. I don't know if they can be 'cured' but I do know that all I want for either of my kids is for them to grow up happy and able to take care of themselves. Autism wreaks havoc on that. I know there are blogs and websites run by those with autism who deplore the need for them to change and adapt to our society. In a way I agree with them, but society is not the perfect place where all people act in an honorable manner. My hope for #2 is to get him able to communicate and lead a happy life. If he is destined to live at home with me forever then OK but I am terrified of leaving him at the mercy of those who are less than honorable. To be completely honest there are areas of his behavior I envy. The ability to ignore that which he does not like is extraordinary. I wish I could just ignore like that but I have a tendency to let it annoy me and that leads to having to do something about it. Then I'm just aggravated about the whole thing and my time spent on that instead of something i needed to do. He's a happy kid- he loves being outside in the yard or playing at the stream. He has a stillness to him when he is relaxed that can only be described as totally content with his world. I've seen him sit in the yard by the stream, perfectly still, watching the chipmunks less than 10 feet from him. Of course, I've also seen him fly around the yard with the complete out of control, running too fast to stay on his feet, reckless abandon. I wonder what the chipmunks make of this child of such extremes. He's also very affectionate, more than his sister was at that age. Maybe it's the mommy-son thing as opposed to the mommy-daughter (mini me as Hubby says) that is different, but as different as they are they are also quite alike. They both like to sit on a lap- at the same time, they both like the computer- at the same time, I can go on and on but you get the picture.

And now for another day........

Electric Momma

I have no idea what an electric momma is but my seven year old dubbed me that and it stuck. I suppose it's rather catchy and memorable so here it is. Since I've been reading blogs for a few years I decided it was time to give it a try. Hopefully this will be fun and educational for all, myself included.

So I'm a mother of 2- one mostly normal seven year old girl and one autistic five year old boy. I like crafting and find I spend way too much time surfing the 'net for new projects as well as new pages about my favorite crafts. Right now I'm a stay at home mom and find that rather than having lots of free time I have almost no time. Hmm- I have no idea how that can be. So let's look at the great black hole of free time.

Once upon a time I had a job, an apartment, free time and money. Then came the house in a small town in Western New York, baby1, job downsizing post 9/11, baby2 and here I am. Oddly enough my job entailed copious quantities of time in front of the computer and now here I sit staring at the screen again. I'm hoping to use this blog as a place to connect all the dots of my life- motherhood, autism, crafts, normal kids (OK- those who know her might beg to differ somewhat- she is unique!), gardening, renovating a 170 year old house, pets, my pathological need to photograph everything(more on that another day), and all the other detritis that seems to clutter up my otherwise simple life.

My seven year old daughter is one of those incredibly social kids- she loves parties. She loves to dress up in her finest and celebrate- anything. Since I am such a stick in the mud sometimes and don't always want a few dozen of her closest friends over she often will have parties for herself and a few hundred of her closest stuffed friends. She is a great kid and always up for trying a new craft or going somewhere. My five year old son is her complete opposite in so many ways. He is autistic and prefers not to have loud parties. He would stay home or just go to a few preferred places for his whole life if we allowed that. Alas, his wishes often get over ridden by reality. Groceries must be bought, errands run and general mayhem over strict schedules prevails here. For all the boy is quiet and content with quiet pursuits, the girl is loud and enjoys noisy pursuits. I feel like the rope in a game of tug 'o war most days trying to balance the two. Add one 4 year old Bull Terrier named Arthur Pendragon, three cats, and lots of wildlife in the yard and chaos is an apt description of some days.

Add to the mix the ongoing renovation of our very old farm house and mess is another way to sum up my life. I feel like I spend a good portion of my day moving things out of an area to be worked on, doing some work and then looking for what I had to move. Oh well, someday the work will be done and everything will be in it's place and I'll find everything I'm currently looking for- right?? At least the yard is looking better this year. Did I mention my love for all things John Deere? We'll tackle that another day. Why scare everyone off with too much weirdness, right? Actually the yard still has some changes coming but I'm pretty slow with the planting. I'm still letting last years plants fill out and deciding if I like it all. We have a shallow but spring fed stream in the yard outside the dining room which is very peaceful. I like to relax and read out there while the kids play in the shade.

So that is the short version of what to expect here. Chats on crafts, kids, pets, home renovations, house work and whatever strikes my fancy. Grab a cup of coffee and join me in a few laughs over the daily workings of a not always ordinary mind.